It’s hard to say when exactly my healing journey began. I don’t think there was a single date or incident, but more so an overarching feeling that I deserved better than I was getting or giving to myself or others. It was a revelation of sorts that I could no longer continue to live the life that I’d been living, or put up with the dysfunctional, codependent, and unhealthy connections I craved. At the time, I had NO IDEA how to stop the path of self-destruction I’d been on for years. Drug and alcohol abuse, codependency, hypersexualization, perfectionism, self-loathing, codependency, self-harm, you name it. All of it served as an escape from acknowledging my extensive trauma, pain, and shame, as well as a huge barrier to connecting with my Highest Self. You know, the Self that knows what is best for you; the intuitive Self. The Self that is courageous, loving, powerful, gentle, and deliberate with its thoughts, words, and actions. It was at this time that I had decided to take my life back after finding myself in an incredibly abusive relationship, and then really taking it back after finding myself in a second abusive relationship and learning I had no idea who I was as an individual. I noticed a pattern, and the pattern was not outside me. Yes, I attracted abusive, dismissive, controlling, addicted men in relationships, but at the time, I was unable to see that I, too, had my own abusive, dismissive, controlling addictive tendencies that were attracting these individuals. They were my mirrors. I was not a victim, but rather an unconscious volunteer to a generational cycle that felt comfortable and normal. I desperately craved a new norm, but did not know where to start.
The chaos, pain, dysfunction, and victim mentality was so deeply engrained in me that I felt helpless and did not recognize that I was giving away my power each time I ran to another to try to “be saved”. I thought I was a helpless Damsel in Distress who needed rescuing, and had looked for a Knight in Shining Armor to rescue me. After many years of failing at this attempt, and much emotional, spiritual, and physical support from my newly created network, I came to the realization that I was the Knight. I was capable of overcoming any obstacle in front of me. I could rescue myself with the correct guidance, and I have enough power and impact within me to help others on their journey to self-empowerment and self-actualization, too. I just had to fearlessly and shamelessly “walk the walk”, and share the journey as I’d learned it. I had the power within me to slay any dragon, but instead used that power to look deep within and befriend those dragons by earning their trust. I also learned that they’re actually here to protect me from others and myself. I could lean on this deeper spiritual understanding when I was afraid rather than continuing the path of self-sabotage and shame-driven avoidance. I learned to embrace the shadowy aspects of myself that I’d pushed down and away for so long. I began what mythologist Joseph Campbell called “The Hero’s Journey” and faced the darkness so I could better see the light within me and around me.
About 7 years later, I continue to embrace it and learn new things each day. Part of my life purpose is to share those lessons, which was the foundation for Rising Phoenix Intuitive Wellness. I have since grown, and continue to grow and mature in my understanding of self-love, self-trust, and self-acceptance. My wish is to be a guide as you work toward connecting with your Inner Healer in whatever capacity you may need. I hope you’ll take the leap with me to begin your rise from the ashes… it’s so worth it.
Always,
Alyssa
Rising Phoenix Intuitive Wellness 